Broken hearted and naked truths

Yesterday was a great day, but at the same point a rough day in the sense of a realization that I am going to have to leave behind some great friends. I think I have written this a superfluous amount of times, but I really love the people here. I even really enjoy my ministry, but I just feel like I'm not cut out for this full time ministry, or at least one that isn't more defined. I think that maybe if the ministry was more like a job with a bit more structure I would enjoy it more, but I feel like I kinda float around and have difficulties seeing any real progress. I suppose this is the nature of ministry work, but that is difficult for me. I have a need to see progress and be judged I guess, to be needed or something. Like at the end of a semester regardless of how little work or studying I did (often it was very little) when I got my grades at the end of the semester as long as I got a 4.0 I felt like i fulfilled my job. I loved working with IV and Greek IV and having Bible studies and stuff like that, I did it for the joy of doing it, it was frustrating at times, but since it wasn't my job it didn't get to me that much. I guess my identity was in being a student, but now that my identity is being a "missionary" for lack of a better word then I find it much more difficult to feel a sense of fulfillment in my work. It tears at my hear though because I love Puebla and the people and hope I can figure out some way to at some point come back here to live for a while. My heart is torn though, because I really want to go to Brasil, I really want to spend more time in the US to catch up with people and just settle down, but I also love it here and could see myself happy here with the right job. It is so hard because now part of my heart will forever being México, but obviously a large part of my heart is in the US and the two are mutually exclusive and so my whole heart I feel will never be united. Who knows, I am just praying that God would continue to give me peace and guidance as I continue trying to discern his will. I am surprisingly at peace about things, but still would like something resolved at some point.
Last night at the Bible study we were looking at Mark 3 and talking about the man with the wither hand who put that hand forward when Jesus said reach out your hand. We talked about how we have a tendency to put our best foot forward or in this case our best hand. We keep our withered hand (i.e. sin and problems) behind our backs trying to hide them from God and others, but really all we do is prevent the healing process. God is ready to heal and forgive if we would only let him. We also got to talking about the Pharisees and how they judged things on the surface and how the church today does the same thing; how people dressed a certain way or with certain jobs are looked down upon, but how Jesus saw through all these labels and titles. Jesus was a revolutionary because in many ways he tore down all the social and economic constructs that we have built, he didn't judge based on race, gender, nationality, class, sin. He just loved people, he saw people for who they were. I think that he saw us as we were in Eden, naked. He saw through everything and saw the beloved and loved us. I only wish that I could do this, to be able to love people without strings or prejudices. I pray that each day I could be more like Jesus and that my own sins and hangups would continue to be stripped away and I could just be me before God and be able to love and be loved by Him.