Mais perto quero estar meu Deus de ti

Mais perto quero estar, meu Deus de ti
Inda que seja a dor que me uma a ti
Sempre hei de suplicar
Mais perto quero estar
Mais perto quero estar meu Deus de ti

On Sunday morning I stood in pain as my church began to sing this song that I wasn’t familiar with. As we sang further I couldn’t help but to be brought to painful tears with each chorus. Closer I want to be, My God, closer to you, even if it be pain that unifies me to you, I will always ask to be closer, to be closer to you my God. These past 6 weeks of back pain have been a trying time, a time of much doubt and many questions, but also a time of growth. I have spent a fair amount of time frustrated, but for the most part God has given me the grace to have patience in the situation and wait on him. I have used the time mostly resting to read over half the Bible and dedicate more time to prayer. I still feel like I have so much to learn, but can say that these past few weeks have been the school of hard knocks, but as James said I count it all joy when we face trials, because trials produce perseverance that helps to bring us to maturity and completion. On Friday I went to the chiropractor hoping to put my vertebrae in its place and walk out more or less cured. Unfortunately vertebrae in place I was still with the same problems and after 48 hours of waiting and hoping it would heal knew that my fate would not be that easy.

On Friday I also stopped taking my pain medicine (over the counter here) as I didn’t think it was helping that much and didn’t like being dependent on it. On Saturday I had normal levels of pain and so figured that the pain killers hadn’t been helping too much. On Sunday night while sitting at church I found that was not the case. About 3 days after I took my last pill, a sharp pain shot up my leg in such a way that I have never experienced. The pain was so intense that I literally bit my hand and cause a wound to it. I got myself home after church and spent about 36 hours laying in bed, trying not to move, getting up once to go to the bathroom and mainly trying to lay still to minimize the pain. Finally on Tuesday morning I got my pain medication back and within an hour was back to my previous pain levels. On Tuesday I want to get an MRI and will get the results back tomorrow. Then I will have to take the test results to my chiropractor to diagnose my problem. I appreciate so much all your prayers and support. I want you to know that even though my physical ailment doesn’t seem to be getting better I praise God for your prayers and know that they are being answered. Through this time I have remained for the most part in good spirits and am learning to appreciate the little things. Learning to understand that everything I have comes from God. That every day the sun rises I should praise God, that ever breath I take I should praise God, that every meal I eat I should praise God. I am learning to trust in God more, in my pain I am learning to rely on him and not myself. I am still somewhat nervous for my move to Colombia in two weeks. Not only am I leaving a community, a people, a family, a house, a language and a culture I have learned to love, but I am going to a new place where I know almost no one and have health problems to boot. I give these worries to God and know that he has always taken care of me and there is no reason he won’t continue to do so. I am learning what it really means to cast all my cares on him and trust that he cares for me.